


so what

by yamatsukkei



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-18 17:56:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21530974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yamatsukkei/pseuds/yamatsukkei
Summary: Another sleepless night. That makes two in a row. Nothing but dark clouds flowing past my mind, letting nothing to be seen. I blink.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 41





	so what

**Author's Note:**

> feelin Like That and decided to write while 20000% fucking tired.

Another sleepless night. That makes two in a row. Nothing but dark clouds flowing past my mind, letting nothing to be seen. I blink. The only thing reminding me that I'm here, that I exist, is the fact that Tadashi's here next to me, curled into me while I just lay here, as still as a board.

I may exist, but I'm just here. At this moment in time, I am nothing.

I curled my hands into fists, feeling my nails dig into my palms. I haven't cut them in a while, but it's not as if it affects practice that much. I'm not a setter, and I don't do overhand passes that often, if at all. It doesn't matter.

I don't matter.

The hand that was grabbing at my shirt curled tighter, and I moved my head, just enough to see him shift closer to me, letting out a breath. I blinked, feeling my face relax as I reached over to card my fingers through his hair, self loathing momentarily forgotten.

To rely on him so much to ground me from my thoughts is pretty selfish. But with how vulnerable and peaceful he is when sleeping, I can't help but want to keep him safe, to protect him.

_But don't you think that he thinks the same of you?_

My mind supplies to me, and I ignore it, like a fool. Let me wallow in peace, you piece of shit. So what if there's things that I know. Can't I just ignore them, for a little while? I'm alone anyways.

Just for now, I'm alone, and will keep on being alone for the next couple hours, seeing as how I can't ever drift off to the haven of dreams, a place I desperately wish to see. Just once. I want to see the same place Tadashi does. I want to be as peaceful as he looks, warm and content against me.

Instead I am cold, alone, and depressed.

I don't prefer to feel this way, but it is what it is, and I just have to accept it. Sometimes I can get past it, but when it comes to nights brought on by my insomnia, I just feel trapped. Like walls are closing in on me, stopping short of the bubble I like to think of as my safe space. Any closer, and I'd lose my fucking mind, probably.

Kinda wish it did close in on me further so I could pass out from mentally and emotionally exhausting myself.

I let out a sigh. One that I hoped would let out all my stupid thoughts and never let them come near me again. A sigh deep and heavy, like the weights that wrap around my legs nearly every day.

Everything was dark, I could see it, I could hear it, I could feel it. If I raised my hand towards the ceiling, and grasp at whatever is there, I would touch and hold nothing. I did just that, seeing the faintest outline in front of me.

"Tsukki..?" Tadashi mumbled, stirring just a bit. I lowered my hand to run through his hair once again, and he hummed in a low tone, pressing his face into my neck. I felt alive, the second he had awoken.

"Go back to sleep," I said, knowing it was futile once he noticed my situation. I was too wide-awake, too fidgety, and my eyes probably shined, but I wouldn't have known that. Tadashi hummed again, and I shivered from the sensation.

"You haven't slept," he said simply, ever so observant. I just huffed a small laugh, wondering how to go about it.

"Yeah," I decided on, because I can't ever lie to Tadashi anyways. He wrapped his arms around me, giving me a tight, tight hug.

"I love you," he breathed, and I felt my heart catch in my throat. It was kind of hard to breathe.

"I love you too." I responded back, moving my head so that he could place kisses upon my jaw, and then my face, as he wanted.

It felt warm.

I felt loved.

"You're a good person, no matter what your mind says." He started, pulling my face down to presumably look me in the eye. Silly Tadashi. It's as dark as the abyss in here.

He seemed to know that well, for he just rubbed small circles into my cheeks with his thumbs.

"I love you so much, and you're so important to me. You always have been, always will be." I blinked away the tears that threatened to slip through. Fuckin' body, giving away my emotions. Not that Tadashi needed it, he just always knew how I felt, sooner or later.

"Thanks," I said, cursing my own voice for cracking and giving away everything I keep behind my walls. But again, it's not like Tadashi hasn't been here before. "I love you too."

I never meant to wake him up, but he always had a sixth sense when it comes to me, as creepy as it sounds.

He laughs, just a little, and I found myself being pulled into his embrace, metaphorically, and literally. Keeping me warm. Making sure I wasn't alone.

"I can probably sleep now." I said, moving forward to wrap my arms around him. I could practically hear the smile spread across his face.

"Good." He pressed his lips against mine, and I just felt warm, warm, warm. 

"I love you, Tadashi," I breathed again, because I can never say it too much and I felt like I was riding a high. His breath felt comforting on my face, as he leaned his forehead against mine.

"I love you too, Kei."

I exist, and I'm here. All it takes is just him to make sure I know that nothing is for naught.


End file.
